February 2012
10 posts
Lazy
I have several neuroses but one of my biggest and least discussed is my fear that I am lazy. On Saturday, I ran 12 of the most miserable miles ever—uphill the entire way, 2 10-minute emergency un-fun potty breaks and 3 hours later, I reached my final destination. That last mile was pure death-shuffle. At mile 6, in between stomach flips, I texted my husband about my (ahem)...
4 Minutes to Save the World
Yesterday I ran a mile in 10:30. For those of you who run, you’re probably thinking that that’s the speed of evolution and you’d be right. You’d be right because when I began running in July of 2012 I was grateful to run a mile in 15 minutes. Amid the people who told me I was too fat to run, that my body was not meant for running, even dodging my own brain that was...
In a Shocking Turn of Events
When I think about the fact that I’m running a half marathon in 4.5 weeks, I want to poop myself. Shockingly, running seems to be the only thing in my life that’s actually progressing. Who’d a thunk?
What the Living Fark?
I just signed up for a half ironman relay as the running part in August. Where is Jessi? What has happened to Jessi? Hold me…
I want you all to know
That I ran 12.5 miles in 2.50 on Saturday. I took a lovely facebook picture and then ran into a nearby hotel for some delightful exercise induced vomiting. Who’s the boss? MOI!
DC runners....
I need an 11 mile route for tomorrow. Thinking about going East Falls Church across the Key Bridge and rounding the reflecting pool a few times. Any suggestions?
95.25=
amount of miles run in January 2012.
Control
While driving home last night there must have been a particularly unstimulating piece on NPR because I found myself daydreaming hardcore. I was thinking, why did I start running? It seems so un-me. As someone who has taken countless Myers Briggs tests I have consistently scored as a 100% extrovert. I’m pretty sure the only people who do that are exhibitionists and Neil Patrick Harris. ...
January 2012
33 posts
WatchBrrr! Polar plunge ftw!
I just explained to a close friend
that my running speed is probably equivalent to most people’s emergency diarrhea walk.
Anon submission:
stfuconservatives:
“A week after giving birth to my first child I peed myself in a public restroom while simultaneously squirting milk out one boob and blood out the other. It was super glamorous. Pregnancy messes with your body for good.”
Shockingly, running is ok, but damn if I don’t pee myself EVERY FUCKING ZUMBA CLASS I ATTEND! Thanks, childbirth.
DC Tumblr Meet Up: National Zoo
emilydoesscience:
easybeinggreene:
Still interested? Written in pen on your calendar?
10 AM, Jan. 28, 2012 @the front gate of the National Zoo
Who’s planning on going?
See you there Jess!!
Darn! I’m actually doing the polar plunge that day but ENJOY!!!!!
So I ate nothing on my 10 mile dreadmill run
And was fine. Hungry at the end, but fine. Since I’m known for having the Leon Trotskys on a GOOD day and since I can barf like it’s my job, would it be nuts just to not eat anything during my 13.1?
Some days you run 10 miles and feel awesome
And then there are the days where you yell at your kid in the middle of the night, have to sing at 7:00 am, unexpectedly, and screw up the final hymn. As a recovering perfectionist, I am ready to cry. I need to remember that I am human and move on.
Watch10 miles!!!!!!
womaninterrupted replied to your post: People of the Tumblr—HELP!
I have never attempted such a feat. Do you ever watch anything while you run? Is that weird? Maybe you could watch a movie. Music is the only exercise savior I can think of.
block
]]>queenoflean replied to your post: People of the Tumblr—HELP!
break it up into pieces if you have time (home treadmill)? find a really...
People of the Tumblr--HELP!
I have 9.5 miles scheduled for tomorrow.
Rain I can deal with.
Cold I can deal with.
Freezing rain for 2 hours, I really cannot deal with.
This means 9.5 miles (2 hours) on the dreadmill.
What to do? How to cope? Suggestions, limericks and jokes accepted.
Dear, jessi:
Remember that story you told yourself about how you’d always be fat, ugly, and alone? Guess what? The publishers rejected it so get into the left lane and take your fucking foot off the brakes—you are running a half-marathon, bitch!
SH*T Year of the Diva Says
I walked outside just now to get some air. 40 degrees and I was in short sleeves.
Complete Stranger: Hey, (snide look) you’re going to get sick.
Diva: read a damn science book, that’s not how you get sick.
Yes, I went there.
Well, I ran 3.5 miles yesterday and now I'm going...
I am so sick of myself and I’m pretty sure that my husband and the 26 people who read my Facebook statuses also want to take me behind the dumpster and throw a mug Michelob Ultra in my face.
I just want to get on with my life. I feel like I’m holding on to this love of my life that will never reciprocate—like I’m just pining after something. I still find myself googling...
30 Minute Run
Can’t I substitute for a sweet elliptical session?
3 miles all uphill both ways
37.5 mins—not bad considering I live at the peak of mt. Kilamanjesus. Oy, so very sweaty and it is 35 degrees in dc!
Dear 180:
I know you elude me—but I will keep seeking you out, even with my exercise induced water retention! Shakes fist in the air!
What Only 3 Miles Tomorrow?
That’s what Jeff says, so I guess that’s what’s going to happen—hope I don’t feel like a slacker at the end.
Not On Weightloss but on Reconciling motherhood...
Feel free to skip over but I wrote this today for an upcoming show about bad mommy moments. Enjoy, you motherfuckers:
One Bad Mutherfucker
My name is Jessi and it has been 2,153 days since my last full night’s sleep. Even when there’s no wet diaper or milk emergency, even when I don’t have to perform a makeshift exorcism on the clothes monster in the corner that looks like Lady Gaga’s meat dress...
Live from in the dressing room!
All the treadmills are occupied and I slept a total of 14 minutes last night so I should go home however,
1. Due to the fact that it is 55 degrees and
2. Due to the fact that I am a bad ass motherfucker, I’ll be running outside now.
See you in 30.
I'm not eating any more than usual and yet
I’m up 4 lbs! WTF? WHY WHY WHY when I start running a bunch does my weight go up? I SWEAR to you I’m not eating more than I usually do. I just don’t get it. Excuse me while I go pout in the corner :(
Diva!!!
Please, girl: Don’t get mad that you only ran 2.5 miles during lunch! Not even a year and a half ago you weren’t running at all. Sheesh, give yourself a break.
Do I really Need GU?
It seems like it’s just frosting. Can’t I just take some Betty Crocker, put it in a baggy and shove it in my pants for emergencies?
Ok, that sounded bad—but you know what I mean.
How Breathing Can Kill You
I just finished reading that NY Times article, How Yoga Can Wreck Your Body. And I’ve got something to stay, so step aside—as my Southern Friends say, I’m bout to let a bitch know.
When I began running, people warned me vehemently against it. Stated in different ways, it all boiled down to one message: fat people don’t/shouldn’t/can’t run. It will ruin your...
WatchAccountability. 8.2!
PANIC AT THE DISCO!!!!
I have to run 8 miles tomorrow. I’m starting at 6:30 so I can take Magnus and Lilith to ballet by 9. I mapped my run and I’m basically running to work. I’m fucking running to work. GIVE ME A BAG TO BREATHE INTO!!!!!
Week 3 day 2
Half marathon training. Who the hell am I?
Not related to fitness but to general awesomeness
I took my 3 year old daughter, Doodle to see her first movie yesterday. As soon as the film ended she began crying. I totally understood why. Earlier that day she said to me, “Mommy, what is magic?” When I saw her crying, I said, “Doodle, that feeling you got when you were watching the movie—that is what magic is.”
We saw the Muppets. If you know me,...
Which Comes First?
Do I run during lunch and do yoga after work or do I do yoga during lunch and run after work? Yoga =50 mins, running =30.
Watch5k and… Go!
The Amazing Thing About Giving A Shit About Myself
Is that every day feels like New Year’s. EVERY DAY feels like I’m embarking on a quest to improve on the person I was yesterday. Happy 2012—may you have the motivation of New Year’s EVERY SINGLE DAY.
December 2011
30 posts
Thoughts on diets, lifestyles, and anecdotal...
crankyreservationist:
Since the article featuring my parents has come out, I’ve been doing some internet searches for responses from other people. It’s kind of cool to see people talking about people that I know and love. However, because the topic is about diets and lifestyle changes, everybody feels the need to explain why <insert dietary choice> doesn’t work and why <insert other...
findingonederland replied to your post: I’m Calling 2011 a Success
cuz you’re one hot mama, that’s why! Good job!
I love you AND your hot baby to be.
I'm Calling 2011 a Success
Because I just looked in the mirror and liked what I saw. Bring it, 2012.
I'm Doing a Non-Scale Victory Dance in my Office...
I work across the street from the Macy’s. So, after having given away all my pants at the request of friends, co-workers and Whitney Houston who informed me that crack is, indeed whack and no one needs to see me hike up my pants every 5 minutes—I decided to forgo yoga today and walk across the street to see if they were having any good deals.
So, I’m in the dressing room with a...
Something I Just Realized
Ultimately, I guess I’ve always been obsessed with food and fitness—now I’m just obsessed with it in the RIGHT direction.
The more you know…
Let Me Brag about My Heroes! →
Go, Project Hercules! I’m getting fit and raising much needed money for Ovarian Cancer Research. Let’s kick OC in the ovaries this year!!